Q. Who are you and why do you hate cake so much?
A. My name is Rommie Johnson. I love cake. I’m less fond of lies.
Q. Then what does your blog’s title mean?
A. It means that the cake is a lie. The cake, in other words, is untrue. To put it differently, one might say there is no cake. Which is to say that the rumors of cake’s existence have been greatly exaggerated. Do you believe in the cake? Quit it.
In summary, the cake is a lie.
Q. OK, I get that part, but what is the cake? Which cake?
A. The cake is not a cake, per se, but a promise. It might be any promise, really. Perhaps you read a fairy tale when you were a child and grew up believing a frog will become your prince. Maybe you had a teacher who told you if you stayed in school and worked hard, you could become President one day. Surely you’ve been to one church or another.
That is the cake. And you already know the most pertinent fact about the cake.
Q. You sound really bleak and negative. Are you a nihilist?
A. No. As Tom Robbins said, “I believe in everything; nothing is sacred. I believe in nothing; everything is sacred.”
Q. OK. Seriously, what’s your favorite cake?
A. My wife made vegan chocolate cheesecake once that changed my life. That’s no lie.
Q. Are you available for work?
A. Possibly. Send me an e-mail at rommie [dot] johnson [at] gmail [dot] com, and we’ll see.
Q. Are you available for drinks?
A. When and where shall I meet you?